I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
