literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
