we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize