I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Everyone says I win the strip club
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
