After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
