WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
