He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
