Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
