my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
