Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
