I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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