The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
