my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
