You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
