he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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