Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just found puke in my bra..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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