shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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