we have pet lesbian snakes
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
