I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
