i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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