we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
