Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
