I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
