his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
