Kareoke will never be a sober sport
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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