Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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