Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
