Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
