oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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