I faked an abortion last night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
