Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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