Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
