Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
