when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
