Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
