I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
