i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
