That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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