If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Randomize
