Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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