She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
