Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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