my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Randomize
