I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
