don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
