is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
