Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
