someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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