shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
