You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
