He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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