Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize