Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
