sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
