WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
