at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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