First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
