Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
