Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
