found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
