the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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