I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
