i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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