morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
