I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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