Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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