You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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