we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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