It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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